A-Z Blogging Challenge http://tossingitout.blogspot.com

Brought to you today by the letter “P”

I am not a religious zealot by any means and most of the time I can honestly say when it comes to religion, I am confused.  I was baptized Catholic as a baby and went through 10 years of Catholic School.  It was not a good experience.

I have always been spiritual and  I believe in God.

When my brother was murdered and a few other tragic events cascaded through my family; it never occurred to me to scorn God.  I just prayed for strength to be there for my kids.  Even writing this now; I still cannot believe the thought never crossed my mind to blame God.

I must for my own sanity know that the breeze I feel on a still day is my brother David saying hello.  I must believe the feeling I have of someone watching me is my stepson John, who died at 17, checking me out.  He wants to make sure I am taking care of his father.  Crazy, it very well may be.  It works for me.  I believe in angels.

What I was not sure of was if I believed in the power of prayer.  I was not sure I believed in miracles.  Let me rephrase that.  I have seen babies born and take their first breath and dead looking branches turn into beautiful spring flowers.  These are miraculous.  I did not believe if I asked specifically for something it would ever come to be.

And then…

My husband and I were struggling with something and we both felt powerless.   I decided I would intently and seriously pray every day.  Two years ago those prayers were answered.   I was surprised; to say the least.

I prayed for the strength to finish my book.  I prayed for the right direction on choosing the right offer for me. Prayer requests granted.

The Christmas before my mother-in-law passed away we gave her a beautiful strand of Rosary beads with a relic from Our Lady of Lourdes.  A few months back I found them and decided to pray the rosary.  What shall I pray for I asked myself?  I thought of my husband’s niece Kate who wanted to be a published author desperately.  I said the Rosary every day for 30 days for her.  She received not one but two book offers.

The most favorite memory of my brother David I have is one of him and I playing in leaves, on a beautiful fall day in Washington Crossing State Park.  I was 17, he was 2.  While missing him one day I looked at that photo and knew I had to tell his story.

I scanned all of my photos so they would be ready to send, when needed.  My computer crashed.  It was fixed but the scans were gone.  No worries, I have the photo’s in an envelope, I will mail them.  All of the photo’s were in the envelope except the one of David and I in the leaves.  I looked everywhere.  I suffered a concussion last year and have had memory issues.  I questioned myself and I searched again.  I prayed to Saint Anthony.  Today was the day they had to be in the mail.  My husband joined the search.

After a frustrating two hours of looking I was in tears.  My husband left for a meeting and I said to myself  “I am not going to listen to the devil and believe this photo is not meant for this book.  I know in my heart it needs to be in the book.  I pulled out the beautiful blue strand of beads and just held them.  I immediately felt calm.  I gave the problem to God.

I walked into my office and sat down at my desk.  I wondered if the envelope holding the photo could have fallen in-between drawers.  I pulled a drawer out and heard something hit the floor.  I was afraid to look.  Shaking I picked up the envelope and there was the photo.  I cried.