Today’s post is part of the annual A-to-Z Blogging Challenge. Each day of April (except Sunday,) we write a post corresponding with that day’s letter of the alphabet. For more information on the challenge and its creator visit:
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com
My theme for this years’ A-Z Challenge is An Intimate Look at the Homeless and Mental Health Epidemic in America which just happens to be the subtitle of my next book, The Stranger in My Recliner. The book is the true story of Sophie. She was the eighty-year-old homeless woman that my husband brought home one night. She lived with us for nearly three –years. The book will be out this fall.
Some psychologists believe that ‘being nice’ isn’t really so nice after all. They believe being nice actually comes from a fear. We ‘act’ nice towards someone because we want to be liked or we fear what others will think of us if we are not perceived of as a ‘nice’ person. As kids, especially little girls we were constantly told to ‘be nice’ and to ‘be good’ even to people we didn’t like. We were taught to keep the peace at all cost even if we were filled with hate. Some girls learned how to use niceness as a way to get what they wanted or as a way to gain power. Being nice is telling the cashier in the supermarket to have a nice day because it sounds good but actually you could care less what kind of day she has.
Overly nice people usually have very low self- esteem and are only nice so they can feel better about themselves and so others will like them.
Being overly nice can put you at risk of being used and mistreated. It can leave you feeling powerless and out of control. It can cause unhappiness and even illness.
Being nice is being selfish.
Kindness on the other hand comes from real love, compassion and empathy towards fellow human beings and all living things. Compassion and empathy are real needs that some people have to help others or ourselves. It makes kindness the total opposite of being nice. Being kind is looking that cashier in the eye and saying, “It looks like you are very busy today. I hope you are done soon and can go home and relax,” and meaning every word. Being kind is opening and holding the door for an elderly woman, looking her in the eye and then taking her bags to her car for her. It is easy for kind people to be assertive because they care as much about themselves as they do others. They earn and expect respect.
Kindness is not a feeling it is a choice. It is a character quality that we can work on until it comes naturally. It is choosing to do the right thing even when the right thing is the hardest to do. There is a direct correlation between being kind and being happy. When we are truly good to others out of love we feel real happiness.
Being kind is being selfless.
Thank you for reading,
Doreen
I’m one of Lisa’s Live Wires! Lisa is a challenge co-host Lisa Buie-Collard.
I am excited to be working with this bunch of fabulous bloggers …
Rhonda Albom – Bob R. Milne – Tamera Narayan – Stephanie Faris –
31 thoughts on “Choose Kindness…”
Good words here. I didn’t know you were doing the challenge awesome.
Another excellent post today. I think there is a real distinction between niceness and kindness. Niceness feels very surface and disingenuous. I agree there is something very passive-aggressive behind the thin smile of a nice person that makes the recipient uncomfortable. Kindness, on the other hand, makes the recipient feel better. It can be uncomfortable for the giver of the kindness, because they are putting themself out there, but the recipient is made more comfortable. Being kind is hard, being nice is easy.
You are so right!
You, Doreen, are definitely kind.
I do try:)
yup, the “how are you?” when the only acceptable answer is “good, thanks” were always a hiccup for me :/
It has always bothered me too.
You have excellent points here. Yes, girls are taught to “just be nice.” Kindness, though, is a conscious act. I chose to be kind today, but not give away my power in pretend “niceness.”
Never give away your power:)
Excellent post, and you are absolutely right. I wanted to add some deep thoughts to what you have written, but you have covered it exceptionally well. I can add only one word: brava!
Thank you so much Keith.
There is kindness and then there is uber kindness,which is how you approach it. My hat’s off to you.
Thank you so much Carol!
I feel good when I’m “nice” but also equate that with “kindness.” To me, they are both conscious acts, and I wish there were more people in the world that practiced them!
So do I.
I do think people confuse the two, but you are right they are quite different. Kindness takes work and is about the other person.
I’ve been enjoying your A to Z Challenge posts.
Thank you so much Ula.
Excellent distinctions! Words carry meaning in how they are used far beyond definitions.
So true.
I SOOOOOO agree. I’ll take kindness any day over NICE. Nice is almost meaningless whereby KINDNESS can be life changing. You choose a wonderful word! AND POST!!!
Thank you Cheryl!
Ooh, great post! Very important distinction. Kindness is by far the superior quality and you tied it in with the all-important: character. I like to think of myself as a kind person and I choose to associate with other kind people. I like being around kind people. However I have used the word ‘nice’ when in reality I should be using the word ‘kind’. Thanks for pointing out the difference. Again, great post!
Michele at Angels Bark
Thank you so much Michelle!
Well, at least I know to tell people I am kind when they say I am nice. My mother in law (after way too much to drink) used to say I was “mambe pambe” and too “nicey nice”. Obviously, she was neither.
I’ve been called nicey nice too. I don’t like it at all.
Wow. I’ve never thought about it from that perspective before, but you’re right! Kindness is something that comes from your soul.
I never thought of it this way either.
It will not surprise you that you nourish your brain with an amazing bath of feel good chemicals every time you choose (as you said perfectly) to be kind! I am sure that it also doesn’t surprise you this tidbit is coming from me! Beautiful piece Doreen. I am loving your A to Z!
Thank you so much Ruth.
Oh I loved hearing about this when I met you at BAM. Things like this fascinate me. I never really thought about it that way before but yes I can see how kindness is different.
That’s an interesting perspective, I’ve never heard the word described as anything but nice before. I don’t think being nice and being kind are opposite, and I don’t think people who are nice are fake. I think being nice is easy when you’re as kind person, and being a kind person is easy when you’re nice. To me, they go hand in hand. Being artificial nice isn’t nice and so I don’t classify it in the same category…we all know people who can look in your eye and lie to your face, and mean it. It all boils down to doing things from the heart. I do often say have a nice day, but that doesn’t mean I don’t mean it.