People really do say stupid things at funerals. My favorite stupid thing was “He’s in a better place”. Whenever I heard that I just wanted to scream…what better place? The best place for David was here with his wife and baby. Here with his family. Another favorite was “Time will help”. Really, after eleven years I can tell you time DOES NOT HELP! My 26 year old brother was beaten to death for driving the speed limit. There is NO help for that!
What I appreciated hearing were the stories about David from his friends. Friends he had that I did not even know. I appreciated hearing the truth which was “There is nothing I can say or do”. I appreciated the people that actually did something, like bring over food and take care of the babies for us. And then there was Tina; my dear friend; I was in the pit of hell and there she was sweeping the floor. I can still see her in my mind just being there and doing something as mundane as sweeping the floor. I cannot explain it, it was just so comforting.
Maybe it was just me that found these things people said to be inappropriate. Maybe it is okay to say to someone who has lost a loved one who had been suffering for a long time “They are in a better place”.
What do you say or do in these awkward situations? I would really like to know…