Doreen McGettigan

Articles

YOUNG

A-Z CHALLENGE

http://tossingitout.blogspot.com

I work with the elderly and was quite taken aback one night last week when a 90 year old client told me that inside she felt 30.

She said inside she could still do the jitterbug and clean her house and shop.

This woman is actually quite healthy; she is just lonely. Her husband passed away young. She has 2 daughter’s. They do not visit the assisted living facility often.

She made excuses for them, said they have kids, grand-kids and jobs which leaves no time for an old woman.

She said she had been extremely close with her grandchildren. When she was younger she had a vacation home in Florida. She told me wonderful stories of bringing her grandchildren to Florida with her for the summer and all the fun they had.

Why don’t they visit I asked? “Oh they have outgrown me. They have families and jobs. They have no time for me and I am okay with that”, she said.

Do they call, I asked. “No, they never call”. “They no I am safe here and they assume I have friends”. She has no friends.

I can tell you from experience old women in assisted living facilities are cattier than any of the bully’s I came across in high school. They are mean girls on extra iron.

I had no childhood. None. I had my children when I was young. I wanted my own family desperately. I wanted to be the best mother that ever walked the earth. I did the best I could. It was about memories. I wanted them to have happy memories of being young. I gave them that. I also gave them just about everything they wanted.

I was blessed with grandchildren while I was still young. I live to make memories for them. My husband plans memories and fun for them.

I gave up my career to care for these grandchildren. I could not stand the thought of them in daycare, at least not until they could talk. Five years I gave them. They were some of the best years of my life. We got lost in the woods, ate chocolate chip pancakes, read and played.

It was one of the best jobs I ever had (the pay sucked) other than that I was in Heaven.

I got married and moved an hour away. For many months I still drove the hour up and back to be with those kids.

The time came when I could no longer afford to care for them.

I wanted to write a book about the murder of my brother and my frustration with the legal system. Today is the 12th anniversary of his death.

My family is not thrilled about the book to say the least. Seriously; I’d rather write fiction. I will, someday. This story needed to be told.

No one called me on the 24th; when my brother was attacked; no one called me on the 26st when he was declared brain dead and no body called me today when he was declared dead, 12 years ago.

This is why I was compelled to write the book. His memory has become an inconvenience. I am not even that old yet and I feel I have become a huge inconvenience.

What will it be like when I’m old? When I start peeing in my shoes? I fear I will be lonely.

For now I choose to be young. I no longer care who is right or who is wrong. I choose to be happy. I choose to make enough beautiful memories as my brain can possibly hold while I am young enough so I have something to remember when I’m old and lonely.

Oh and when I am old and lonely I will wear a purple hat everyday and my husband will tell me I am the most beautiful woman in the nursing home.