Caregiving and Stress
Nearly ten-million adult children over the age of fifty are caring for their aging parents. With ten-thousand people turning 65 every day and with the trend expected to continue through the year 2020 the numbers are expected to skyrocket and so will the stress.
More and more women are willing to take a financial hit to care for their aging parents. I left my job for eighteen-months to care for my mother-in- law and most recently have been caring for my father long distance. Leaving my job and family in Philadelphia and traveling to Florida to help my mother care for my father is stressful, it takes a lot of planning and I couldn’t do it without a lot of help and good information.
“I’m pleased to partner with Midlife Boulevard to bring you this important public service information about National Family Caregivers Month.”
My friends at Midlife Boulevard have been an online lifeline, full of inspiration as well as valuable information throughout my father’s illness.
It is important to build a network when you are caring for a family member, especially long distance. Enlist neighbors, church members and friends. They may be willing to pick up groceries, do home repairs or provide meals. Ask friends and family members that are not in the area to make scheduled calls, send cards and handwritten notes and care packages. Many people want to help and if you are like me, when someone offers it is so hard to say yes and then tell them what you need. You need to accept whatever help, is offered.
If you are considering hiring outside help, ask everyone in your network online and in real life for recommendations. Even if you can only hire someone for a few hours a week, those few hours will give you peace of mind.
Another way to alleviate stress before it happens is to create a list of where things are in the house in case of an emergency. You want to list the location of the electric panel, the water shut- off valve, have an emergency contact list that includes family to be called (in order) doctors, plumber, electrician, preferred hospital, medications, location of extra keys, pets names and schedules etc… It is a lot of work but in an emergency this information will be priceless.
The most important thing you can do for your loved one as their caregiver is to take care of yourself. Accept or ask for help so you can rest, get out for a walk or just to get out and have lunch with a friend.
While caregiving it is easy to get lost in the business. Remember to sit with your loved one and just be. Watch an old movie, listen to their favorite music with them and reminisce. These are the memories that will matter most to you.
Another valuable resource for me has been the community of caregivers and experts put together by AARP aarp.org/caregiving.
http://youtu.be/Ggjc8u_1ccc Spoon feeding caregiving video
20 thoughts on “Caregiving and Stress”
Good, practical advice, as always. i like the way you think,Doreen!
Thank you Carol. I feel so honored to have been with so many as they leave this world, it is sad for me but what a blessing.
Excellent post, Doreen. My mom has been my dad’s caregiver for almost 15 years and took a long time to talk her into getting aides and asking for help. I feel badly for dad because he remembers more than I’ll ever know, but his body has failed him so he doesn’t go out.
This is a wonderful post, one of the better ones about caregiving, because you deal with something so important in the life of a caregiver: stress. I know when my husband takes care of me with my MS it’s stressful because he has such a full plate as it is. We take care of stress together!
Oh Cathy I will keep your mother in my prayers. In my job as a caregiver I see everyday that people seem to either lose their minds or their bodies. If we had to choose…
All my best to you as you do the important and challenging work of caregiving. Thanks for raising awareness about the need for self-care and the resources available.
Thank you Karen.
To sit with a loved one and just be is excellent advice, for whatever happens to be going on in your life. And we don’t do nearly enough of this. Thanks for a reminder about what really matters.
My happiest memories are of sitting with my Dad and watching an old movie, talking about his art and listening to his favorite music.
You’re spot on. The caregivers I know say they mostly want someone to vent to, not offer advice. Thank you for sharing the important resources.
Thank you so much Lisa, it is so true just having someone listen can work wonders.
“The most important thing you can do as a caregiver is to take care of yourself.” Boy is that ever true. And so hard to remember. And you are also so right that often times people simply need to vent, giving them the safe space to do so is so vital. Great post!
Thank you. Elin. As sad as caregiving can be I feel so blessed and honored to be able to care for my loved ones.
You make the most important points about being a caregiver – lack of time for self care + constant stress can = health problems. I love your approach and so glad that you are lending your beautiful voice to this great initiative!
Thank you Ruth. As sad as caregiving can be it is also an honor.
Caregivers are absolutely the unsung heroes of our time. This is a beautiful and important post.
Thank you Lois.
The great advise here is to remember to take care of yourself…something I often forgot to do! Stress is a huge factor here…it literally made me sick. If I knew then what I know now things would have been very different for me…but I did the right thing and that was all that mattered! Thanks for the wonderful post.
Thank you Carolann. Oh how I wish I knew then what I know now, also.
Yes I agree there is a lot to being a caregiver, both good and bad. It’s so important to have support. Thanks for sharing some really great thoughts on this.
Thank you for reading, Wendy.